THIS WAS NOT MADE BY ME! o=< On a different forum, which I don't remember, a user called Ghostpikmin made this fan fic. I liked it so much, I wanted to share it with the rest of you. o= It's random, but enjoyable. Enjoy! =D

Edit: Due to some copy pasting error, there are some lines that appear to be blank. They are supposed to be ^_^, but I don't feel like fixing all of them. -.-

Chapter 1: The Day After Yesterday.

The story begins after the events of Pikmin, were the various groups of creatures have gone nuts after the sudden death of the Grand Emperor. Even though he was, like, fat and stuff. Trying to get things organized Titan Dweevil calls for an emergency meeting the following night...

Titan Dweevil: We all gather here today to make sense of a horrible event and to recognize a growing threat: THE PIKMIN STOLE MY BOTTLE CAP!

*Crickets chirp.*

Titan Dweevil: Oh, and they also killed the Grand Emperor.

*Everyone else goes completely nuts. They all settle down when Ranging Bloyster enters*

Titan Dweevil: You’re LATE! Where have you been?

Ranging Bloyster: Sorry Titan, but I found this neat bottle cap on my way here and I just couldn’t leave it on the ground! *Shows everyone bottle cap*

Titan Dweevil: HEY! That’s mine!

Ranging Bloyster: Nu-Uh!

Titan Dweevil: Uh-Huh!

Ranging Bloyster: Nu-Uh!

Titan Dweevil: Listen here punk: I am the ruler of all that is shiny, which obviously shows that you stole it! HAND IT OVER, LEECH BOY!!!!

Ranging Bloyster: Ruler of all that is shiny my foot!

Waterwriath: But you don’t have a-

Ranging Bloyster: Shut it WaterWuss!

Waterwriath: It’s WaterWRIATH.

Draslushee: Actually, it’s WaterWRAITH.

WaterWRAITH: Then why does it keep showing up as WaterWRIATH?

Draslushee: Because Ghostpikmin didn’t know how to spell your name.

Ghostpikmin: Heh heh, oops...

Titan Dweevil: Wait, what’re these tiny people doing in here!?

Draslushee: They’re onto us! RUN AWAY!!! *vanishes*

Ghostpikmin: WAIT FOR ME!!! *vanishes*

Titan Dweevil: Um...where were we?

Ranging Bloyster: I think it was WaterWuss’ turn to talk.

Waterwraith: It’s WaterWRAITH! I’m tired of you guys making fun of me!

Giant Breadbug: *CoughWUSScough*

Waterwraith: That’s it! You’re dead! *Punches Giant Breadbug*

Giant Breadbug: HE HE HE… That tickles!

Waterwraith: Curse you watery arms of mine…. CURSE YOOOOUUUU!!!!

Titan Dweevil: The point is that is my bottle cap, now hand it over!

Ranging Bloyster: No, you listen here! All the creatures in the Perplexing Pool know that I am the true ruler of the shiny stuff! Ain’t that right?

Giant Breadbug, Waterwraith, and Beady Long-Legs: Word.

Widow Empress: Wait a second, it’s called the Distant Spring!

Ranging Bloyster: Not anymore.

Widow Empress: Why not?

Ranging Bloyster: Because the Grand Emperor is dead, and the Perplexing Pool sounds cooler than the Distant Spring. Ain’t that right?

Waterwraith and Beady Long-Legs: WORD UP, DAWG!!!

Giant Breadbug: *Eating ham* Yeah, sure, whatever.

Waterwraith: Ah HAH!!! *Punches ham*

Pileated Snagret: And that was supposed to do… what?

Waterwraith: Now the ham is all moldy and stuff!

Giant Breadbug: My ham! *Gets serious* Oh, it’s on now! *charges up, Dragon Ball Z style* KA... ME... HA... ME...

Waterwraith: No energy attacks! It’s against the rules of the fic!

Giant Breadbug: Awww...well then, take this! *lunges at Waterwraith*

Waterwraith: Hey what are you doin- HEY! *Shrinks until he vanishes*

Giant Breadbug: *burps*

Waterwraith: Hey! You drank me! Let me out!

Giant Breadbug: Oh, I’ll let you out alright, in 2 hours!

Waterwriath: Oh, well that doesn’t sound so bad…

Giant Breadbug: Wait until you hear which path you’re taking out of my body and you’ll change your mind!

Waterwriath: O_O AHHH! LET ME OUT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! AHHHHH!

Giant Breadbug: At least you don’t have to share the ride on the same route as the ham.

Waterwraith: BAD IMAGES!! VERY BAD IMAGES!!!!

Titan Dweevil: Ok, let’s have a vote so we can decide who is officially the ruler of shiny stuff! All for me?

*Titan Dweevil, Raging Long-Legs, and Segmented Crawbster all raise hands*

Raging Long-Legs: Wait, I don’t have a hand...

Titan Dweevil: Neither do I, just shut up and let your vote be counted. YAY DEMOCRACY!

Ranging Bloyster: HAH! I have 4 votes to your 3! What are you going to do about that?

Titan Dweevil: Uhh, the Giant Breadbug ate Waterwuss, so you also have 3 votes. It’s a tie!

Raging Long-Legs: Boo democracy!

Ranging Bloyster: Nonsense! We just have to wait two hours! Then I’ll be officially the Ruler of Shiny!

Titan Dweevil: *readies weapons* Tell me something: how can you be the ruler, if you’re DEAD!?

Ranging Bloyster: Bring it, you 4-legged freak!

*Beady Long-Legs and Raging Long-Legs both glare at him.*

Ranging Bloyster: Oh… Umm…. I was talking to Titan Dweevil.

Beady Long-Legs: Yeah. Right. So you have something against four-legged stuff, do ya?

Raging Long-Legs: Perhaps you would like a big foot on your HEAD.

Beady Long-Legs: Hey, where does his head start, anyway?

Raging Long-Legs: I’m not sure...

Ranging Bloyster: Yeesh, you’re one to talk, you don’t even have a...

Raging Long-Legs: WHAT WAS THAT!?

Ranging Bloyster: Nothing. ^_^;;

Segmented Crawbster: THAT’S IT! This stupid argument has gone on LONG ENOUGH! *Smashes bottle cap into the wall, and it bounces off and hits Man-at-legs in the head, waking him up* Can’t we just hurry up this meeting so the few of us that do have lives can get back to them?

*Man-at-legs gets up and looks around. Titan Dweevil and Ranging Bloyster both point at Segmented Crawbster.*

MAL: (Target sighted. Eradicate. Eradicate. Must pwn thrower of shiny thingy that owied me.)

Segmented Crawbster: What? Why are you all staring at me like that? *turns around* WOAAA!!! *Gets fired on by MAL*

Titan Dweevil and Ranging Bloyster: *to each other* This is all YOUR fault! *start fighting*

Giant Breadbug: When in Rome, do as the Romans do…

*everyone starts fighting*

Segmented Crawbster: THIS MORE FUN THAN A MINDLESS PIKMIN MASSACRE!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!

MAL: (Intense chaos detected. Response: Party down.) *gets funky and fires everywhere*

Giant Breadbug: Um...surrender, Titan Dweevil! Teh Cheese commands it!

Titan Dweevil: Teh Cheese can go jump in a fondue pot! *fires flames at Giant Breadbug*

Giant Breadbug: O_O *runs away*

*Everyone stops fighting*

Raging Long-Legs: *still angry, trying to calm down* Stay calm… Remember your Nintendo things… Stay calm…

*Doodlebug runs into the meeting and runs up to Raging Long-Legs*

Doodlebug: Hey Raging! Check out what I can do! *farts*

Raging Long-Legs: Calmness... calm... go to the happy place... the happy place of NES... haaapppyyy pllaaaaccceeeee... *sings the Mario Bros. melody in a shaky voice*

Doodlebug: Hey, that’s a cool tune! *farts to the tune*

Raging Long-Legs: BLASPHEMER!!!!!

*Steam comes out of Raging’s “head” and he goes nuts stomping everywhere. Boulders fall all over the place*

Beady Long-Legs: Ok, take it easy bro… Deep easy breaths.

Raging Long-Legs: *eyebrow twitches* Ok, two things: first, who brought Doodlebug?

Giant Breadbug: *whistles*… What? Just practicing my whistling…

Raging Long-Legs: Second, how do you think we can stay safe from the Pikmin?

Burrowing Snagret: Uhh… Why don’t we stay underground?
Raging Long-Legs: Pardon?

Burrowing Snagret: Think about it, the Pikmin have never gone underground. I say we all just stay under ground until things cool off, that way we can safely come up with a way to destroy them.

Segmented Crawbster: I’m with that idea. All approve?

*Everyone raises their hand*

Raging Long-Legs: Great! This meeting is over! You may all continue with your lives!

Ranging Bloyster: Like your life of sitting in front of the NES all day? Ha ha...

Raging Long-Legs: *eyebrow twitches*

Beady Long-Legs: Bro, that’s the second time that’s happened, and we don’t have eyebrows...

Raging Long-Legs: *seething* DO NOT QUESTION WHETHER I DO OR DON’T HAVE AN EYEBROW, BROTHER...

Beady Long-Legs: ...Okay...

*Everyone starts walking away. Raging Long-Legs walks toward Widow Empress, widowed because she was the wife of the Grand Emperor, who got, like, deadified by Pikmin*

Widow Empress: Yeah?

Raging Long-Legs: *ahem* You see, a while ago one of your kids borrowed my Game & Watch. Being that they are all adults, I’d really appreciate it if I could have it back, as such antiques are so hard to find these days.

Widow Empress: Sure, I’ll let them know.

Raging Long-Legs: It means a lot to me, and it sure would be… unfortunate if anything bad happened to it...CAPICHE?

Widow Empress: O_O… Sure, I’ll tell them right away.

Raging Long-Legs: It’s good that we understand each other.

FIN

Thus concludes the first chapter of this epic saga. However, many questions remain unanswered... how will the creatures fare against the Pikmin should they rise up once more? Will the Widow Empress’ daughters return Raging’s Game & Watch? How can Raging’s eyebrow twitch if he doesn’t have an eyebrow? Will the Waterwraith safely make it out of the Giant Breadbug? If the Titan Dweevil had fried the Giant Breadbug, would he be a Giant Toastbug? Why am I asking you all these questions? I’m one of the ones writing this fic, shouldn’t I know this stuff? Make sure to come back for the next chapter to find out!

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Chapter 2: The Day Before the Day After Tomorrow's Yesterday.
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The next day, the two captains (Olimar and Louie) landed on the planet, found an onion, and entered the Hole of Beasts. When they came out, a group of bulborbs entered to investigate, and found all but a few bulborbs dead. Immediately, a meeting of bosses was scheduled for that night to decide what should be done.

Segmented Crawbster: GAH! Isn't one meeting a month enough!? I have a life to attend to you know!

Ranging Bloyster: Really? I find that really hard to believe.

Segmented Crawbster: Hey, some of us here have lives where we do something other than stare at shiny stuff and drool.

Titan Dweevil: I'll give you three seconds to take back that comment before I electrically roast your poisoned, soggy butt!

Ranging Bloyster: Yeah, then I'll poke you with my many tongues!

Segmented Crawbster: O_O... I apologize, as shiny stuff PWNS all, even me. Can I live now?

Titan Dweevil: Smart crab...

Pileated Snagret: Well, it seems somebody's idea didn't work...

Burrowing Snagret: PSHT, it was better than anything you could think of. Anyway, our data on Pikmin is incredibly small, so we have to deal with what we know.

Pileated Snagret: Sure you do... *rolls eyes* Say, where are the others?

Titan Dweevil: Yeah, a few are missing. I wonder where they are...

*The three Long-Legs Bros. enter. MAL immediatly falls asleep and Raging is taking deep easy breaths*

Pileated Snagret: Er... What's up with him?

Beady Long-Legs: Umm... He's a little nervous right now. He's been waiting to speak with the survivors ever since he heard the news.

Pileated Snagret: Are you sure?

Raging Long-Legs: They don't like video games... They wouldn't dare touch... Of course they wouldn't... Everything will be A-Ok...HAPPY PLACE... HAAAPPYYY PLAACCEEE...

Beady Long-Legs: ...Yeah, pretty sure that qualifies as "nervous."

Ranging Bloyster: Well, Widow is coming with the survivors, which is why she is late. I wonder what is holding up Giant Breadbug though... He never turns down a free ham...

Titan Dweevil: Huh... What should we do until they come?

Ranging Bloyster: I know! Let's have a staring contest!

Titan Dweevil: Sounds like fun!

*30 minutes pass as nobody blinks*

Segmented Crawbster: This is hardly fair, the Long-Legs don't even have eyes!

Beady Long-Legs: Pah, you're just a pansy.

Segmented Crawbster: I am not a pansy! (Even though those Piks are SOOOOOO CUTE! MUST... HUG... PIKS...)

*Widow Empress, Emperor Bulblax, and a few red Bulborbs enter*

Ranging Bloyster: It's about time! What took you?

Widow Empress: Sorry, my son wanted to stop to eat an action figure.

Emperor Bulblax: Mmmm... plasticy...

Widow Empress: That's a healthy little boy.

Pileated Snagret: This all makes sense except... Why did you even bother to bring him!?

Emperor Bulblax: Mommy says I'm special!

*crickets chirp*

Pileated Snagret: Riiiiiight....look, a bunny!

Emperor Bulblax: Where? *looks*

Pileated Snagret: *pokes Emperor with his beak*

Emperor Bulblax: Hey!

Pileated Snagret: It was him! *nods toward Segmented Crawbster*

Emperor Bulblax: I'm tellin' my mommy on you! T_T


Pileated Snagret: I repeat, WHY did you bring him here?

Widow Empress: He's the oldest of my sons (though certainly not the brightest) and he deserves to know what is going on in the world!

Raging Long-Legs: *all in one breath* That's all really nice madam, really, it is, but I'm really anxious along with everybody else here, which I'm sure are all very curious of which what happened exactly, and what was stolen, mainly the item which I requested of you, which I guess what I'm trying to say is: Was my Game & Watch stolen? *deep breath*

Emperor Bulblax: Pah, Nintendo's Kiddie.

Raging Long-Legs:*screaming so loud the room shakes* WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!!?

Beady Long-Legs: Here's a tip: If you want to live, don't use the words Nintendo and Kiddy in the same sentence... EVER.

Emperor Bulblax: Mommy says never to listen to things without heads.

Beady Long-Legs: ...Look, a giraffe!

Emperor Bulblax: A what? *looks*

Beady Long-Legs: *stomps on the Emperor*

Emperor Bulblax: MOMMY, THE HEADLESS THING HURT ME!!!

Beady Long-Legs: It wasn't me, it was the Tooth Fairy!

Emperor Bulblax: MOMMY, THE TOOTH FAIRY HURT ME!!!

Widow Empress: *is too busy daydreaming about nachos to notice*

Survivor Bulborb: So... Am I here for no reason or what?

Raging Long-Legs: Tell me... for my sanity... Is my Game & Watch ok?

Survivor Bulborb: I will under one condition: Do you promise not to kill me as soon as you find out?

Raging Long-Legs: Um... Yeah... I guess...

Surivor Bulborb: Well in that case...

Raging Long-Legs: OUT WITH IT MAN!
Survivor Bulborb: *breaks down* IT WAS HORRIBLE MAN! There were these dudes who, like, just ran around tossing these obese Piks on us all over the place! Left and right we were all awoken from our posts when they came charging screaming. And we tried to follow your orders on attacking the Reds... But they were all red! We were outnumbered! So when they were carrying away the Game & Watch I took the smart path out and ran. Ran man! I wasn't going to be shrunk down into a Pikmin by that flying pyramid, man! MAN!!!!!!

Raging Long-Legs: *eyebrow twitches* Oh man... This war just got personal...

*Beady Long-Legs makes a third mark on the "How many time Raging has twitched an eyebrow he doesn't have" list*

Raging Long-Legs: *puts on a an army helmet painted to look like Mario's hat and speaks in a drill sergeant-like voice* WE MUST FORM A MILITIA AGAINST THE PIKMIN! WE MUST RALLY OUR TROOPS TO HUNT DOWN THE PIKMIN AND KILL THEM ONE BY ONE UNTIL THEY ARE EXTINCT! AND I HAVE MY GAME & WATCH BACK!

Beady Long-Legs: Or we could just put a LOT of troops in the caves and wait to slaughter them there.

Raging Long-Legs: *drill sergeant voice* THAT WORKS TOO!

Titan Dweevil: I'm just curious, why didn't you chase the Pikmin down after they woke you up?

Survivor Bulborb: Because they ran out of the invisible circle we guard, DUH! Wouldst thou defy the sacredness of the invisible circle of guardiness?

*Burrowing Snagret starts bashing his head into a wall*

Burrowing Snagret: We are all going to die...

Emperor Bulblax: PFFT, what tipped you off, genius?

Ranging Bloyster: Err... Thank you Survivor, you may leave...

Survivor Bulborb: YAY! I'm gonna take a trip to Ohio! *leaves*

Pileated Snagret: Hey, Raging, buddy, could I ask a quick question?

Raging Long-Legs: What!?

Pileated Snagret: How exactly do you play that NES of yours? I mean, the controller is bigger than you are...and that's saying something.


Raging Long-Legs: Allow me to explain with a flashback.

Pileated Snagret: NOT A FLASHBACK!!! OH, THE HORROR!!!!

*FLASH*

Raging Long-Legs: *using legs to push buttons on an NES D-pad* Here comes the big ledge! Jump! JUMP!

Beady Long-Legs: *on the A and B buttons* Um, uh...

*Mario's "losing a life" tune is heard*

Raging Long-Legs: ...Just push A. That's all I asked you to do. WHY DIDN'T YOU PUSH A!?

Beady Long-Legs: I forgot! T_T

*FLASH*

Pileated Snagret: ...How enlightening. Hey, it looks like the Crawbster has something to say!

Raging Long-Legs: Worst transition EVER.

Pileated Snagret: Shut up...Crawbster, your turn.

Segmented Crawbster: Well, I was thinking the other day-

Ranging Bloyster: OMG REALLY!? It's the coming of the apocalypse! Segmented Crawbster actually thought! Run! Run!

*Giant Breadbug enters, a little green in the face, slowly walking*

Beady Long-Legs: Holy cow! Are you ok!?

Giant Breadbug: Uhh... Yeah... Oogg... I haven't used the toilet in an entire day...

Titan Dweevil: Good Gravy!

Giant Breadbug: Please don't say gravy... Oww...

Pileated Snagret: Why haven't you used the toilet for a whole day!?

Giant Breadbug: I've been trying to keep the light of day away from Waterwuss for as long as possible, and I want to crush him by eating as much as I can. I can't hold on much longer... I just need to eat one more thing... If only I knew what it was...
Waterwraith: LET ME OUT OF HERE!!! IT'S COLD AND DARK AND WET... Oh, wait, the wet part is me...BUT IT'S STILL COLD AND DARK!!!!

Segmented Crawbster: Anyway, as I was saying, I was thinking the other day about-

Ranging Bloyster: There he goes again with the thinking! We're all gonna die!

Segmented Crawbster: If you do that again, I'm going to turn you into a pancake-

Giant Breadbug: That's it!

*Giant Breadbug runs out of the room, and, in an instant, comes back with a pancake*

Giant Breadbug: That's what was missing! *begins eating and starts going back to normal*

Pileated Snagret: You know, I won't even question the science behind pancakes curing upset stomachs.

Giant Breadbug: What? Haven't you seen the commercials?

Pileated Snagret: Um...no...

Giant Breadbug: Well, they go a little something like this... HIT IT, GUYS!

*Raging Long-Legs, Beady Long-Legs, Burrowing Snagret, and Emperor Bulblax start dancing behind Giant Breadbug*

Giant Breadbug: Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, UPSET STOMACH, DIARRHEA!


All: YAY, PANCAKE-BISMOL! *dancing stops*

Pileated Snagret: ...

Emperor Bulblax: Ok, what's this great idea you have, Segmented Lobster?

Segmented Crawbster: It's Crawbster.

Emperor Bulblax: 'Kay.

Segmented Crawbster: Anyway, I think we're going to need to decide which one of us is going to be the leader. It's obvious we can get nothing done acting according to our own whims. Does anybody have any ideas?

Titan Dweevil: Don't waste your breath praising me folks, I'll gladly be your lea-

Segmented Crawbster: I was thinking Raging Long-Legs is the best for the job.

*Titan Dweevil enters a state of total shock.*

Titan Dweevil: I-I'm So-sorry, What'd you just say? I couldn't hear you too well.

Segmented Crawbster: R-A-G-I-N-G L-O-N-G---L-E-G-S.

Titan Dweevil: Pardon, but I think there is something in my ear...

Segmented Crawbster: None of us have ears.

Widow Empress: I agree with Segmented Crawbster.

Titan Dweevil: Duh, Widow, we all agreed awhile ago that we all don't have ears.

Widow Empress: Not about that, but about Raging being a better leader. He was best friends with the Grand Emperor.

Pileated Snagret: And he does have the biggest cave.

Titan Dweevil: Aww come on! Only by one floor! My floors are, like... shinier... and stuff...

Burrowing Snagret: Stop being a poor sport, Titan.

Titan Dweevil: Poor sport? I'll have you all know that I can kill you all right here right now! Thus, I shall be your leader!

Giant Breadbug: *stops eating pancake* Guys, just relax. It's only a matter of the leader. What's more important is us working together to beat the Pikmin, so we can all just kick back and do the best thing ever: Pig-out! YAY PIG-OUT!

*Widow Empress glances at Giant Breadbug*

Widow Empress: Wait a second... What is your favorite food?(thoughts: It can't be nachos, which PWNs more than anything!)

Giant Breadbug: Nachos, DUH! That's like, the food of the gods!

*Widow Empress sighs romantically as she pictures in her mind her and Giant Breadbug skipping toward each other in a field of flowers. Suddenly, Giant Breadbug stops with his eyes wide open as he gets crushed by Widow Empress.*

*Back in reality, Widow Empress is staring vacantly at Giant Breadbug*
Giant Breadbug: Widow? Widow? OH NO! She's having a heart attack!

Beady Long-Legs: How can you tell?

Giant Breadbug: I have more cholesterol than anything else on the planet, so I would know what one looks like! Titan! Ready the Shock Therapist!

Titan Dweevil: Roger! CLEAR! (Heh heh, I like this part!)

*As Titan Dweevil charges up the Shock Therapist, the Empress suddenly snaps out of it*

Titan Dweevil: Aww, no shocky for me...

Giant Breadbug: Whew, I thought you were going to die or something.

Emperor Bulblax: Aww man... And I wanted to see mommy get roasted...

Raging Long-Legs: You are one really messed up kid, you know that?

*Doodlebug runs into the room*

Doodlebug: Not as messed up as me! Check it out! *farts*

Raging Long-Legs: AH! Who brought him here?

Giant Breadbug: *whistles*... What? I'm learning a new song!

Beady Long-Legs: I'm sorry Doodlebug, but you really don't belong here.

Doodlebug: But guys! Check out my latest fart! I call it... the FORTE FART!

Raging Long-Legs: O_O THE WHAT-AY FART!?

Beady Long-Legs: SPARE US THE FORTE FART, DOODLEBUG!!!!

Doodlebug: TOO LATE!

*Doodlebug lets out a gigantic fart that shakes the whole room and causes boulders to fall all over the place. A few land on MAL, and he wakes up and gets up. Everyone backs away slowly.*

Doodlebug: *spins around* Hey! Wanna check out my latest fart? It's FART-TASTIC!

MAL: (Warning! Extreme odor detected! Prepare SUD gun!)
*MAL starts firing SUDS at Doodlebug*

Doodlebug: AHH! SUDS! Written in caps that makes them look like acronyms when they aren't! My weakness! Spare me!

*Doodlebug runs out of the room screaming, but not before MAL makes him squeaky clean and free of gas*

All except Titan: Ding, dong, the farts are dead, oh, ding, dong, the farts are dead...

Titan Dweevil: I have it! Why don't we all write down who we want to be leader, and put the name in a jar?

Widow Empress: That works.

*time passes as the papers are placed in a jar. Titan Dweevil starts drawing the names from the jar*

Titan Dweevil: Ok, who's the wise guy with the foot print?

Beady Long-Legs: Well I tried to write Raging Long-Legs, but it's kind of hard when you don't have, you know, HANDS!

Titan Dweevil: Ok, another foot print, it must be Raging's... Ok, some ashes... I guess I was too hard with the Shock Therapist when writing... Then there's a few covered in drool... Some more ashes... Two with random holes... One that has been flattened beyond belief... One with syrup stains all over it... Hey! There's one in writing!

Ranging Bloyster: Really? Who's it for?

Titan Dweevil: It's for me... But it's by a "Draslushee."

*meanwhile, in the shadows*

Ghostpikmin: Told you he'd notice your signature.

Draslushee: Titan Dweevil shall be the uberest of all! HE SHALL PWN ALL OF J00!!!!

*back in the main area*

Raging Long-Legs: Probably some prankster, let's throw it out.
Titan Dweevil: Well, this is wonderful. Not a single ballot for anybody...

Burrowing Snagret: Just forget the secret ballot. Why don't we just call out Raging Long-Legs and Titan Dweevil, and if you want them to be the leader, just go psycho. Easy enough, right?

Titan Dweevil: Raging, I'll do you a favor by sparing you embarrassment and go first, so you don't look like a complete idiot. All for me?

*Everyone is absolutely still. Emperor Bulblax is about to go psycho, looks around, and holds still too.*

Titan Dweevil: Maybe Burrowing didn't make it clear on exactly what you do when you vote for someone. When you want them to win, then you go psycho. Easy? All for me?

*Everyone is perfectly still*

Raging Long-Legs: What about me?

*Everyone but Titan Dweevil goes nuts*

Titan Dweevil: Bu... But... I have shiny weapons of PWNage...

Ranging Bloyster: Shut it, Titan. As of now, Raging Long-Legs is our leader! W00T!

Raging Long-Legs: Well... I don't really have a speech planned out-

Titan Dweevil: HAH! Another reason why he shouldn't be leader! I have mine memorized!

Pileated Snagret: Titan, we all hate you, and the only reason we even let you come to the meetings is because you have the weapons of PWNage.

Titan Dweevil: ...But the weapons pwn j00...

Pileated Snagret: We know, Titan. We know.

Raging Long-Legs: Anyway, I do have a plan on how to handle the Pikmin. We need to start putting outer defense on our holes on the surface, and make them elemental based on anything other than fire, because Reds are immune to them. So try to put as much water, electricity, and poison as you can all around you caves to make sure you aren't next. How does that sound?

Ranging Bloyster: Brilliant! Then, we can safely regroup and come up with a counter-offensive! All agree?

*Everyone but Titan Dweevil agrees*

Titan Dweevil: Your idea is really stupid!

Giant Breadbug: I actually thought it was great, what part is stupid?

Titan Dweevil: The part about him coming up with it! Only I can come up with the idea to stop them!

Raging Long-Legs: Riiiight... Well... This meeting is over! Until tomorrow night! See you all then!

*Everyone leaves except Pileated Snagret, who chases after Burrowing Snagret*

Pileated Snagret: Hey, Burrowing? You know, the Snagret Hole isn't that safe...

Burrowing Snagret: Nonsense! It's the safest place out there!

Pileated Snagret: Yeah, and coincidentally, it's where the Pikmin are headed next. You see, the completely passed The White Flower Garden because they didn't see it, but they did try to find a way to bust down the gate between themselves and the Snagret Hole. So, why don't we switch caves, so you can stay safe in my hole, and I can take the risk of them coming to your hole?

Burrowing Snagret: I dunno...

Pileated Snagret: Would I lie to you?

Burrowing Snagret: ...Yes.

Pileated Snagret: ...There's cheese in the my cave.

Burrowing Snagret: CHEESE! It seems highly unlikely, but...ah, behold the power of cheese...

Pileated Snagret: So we can switch caves for how long?

Burrowing Snagret: Until we find a way to destroy the Pikmin!

*Burrowing Snagret leaves Pileated Snagret in the room*

Pileated Snagret: Gosh, what a complete idiot! Hah! The outer defense of the Snagret Hole is unbeatable! Except, of course, for the parts that are beatable... ah, but those don't matter! TO THE SNAGRET-CAVE!!! ...Where's the theme music? ...Darn.

FIN

What will become of the bosses? Will they defeat the Pikmin or get completely pwned? Should I stop asking you all these questions? Should I just make random comments? TITAN DWEEVIL PWNZ ALL OF J00!!!! PH33R HIM!!! ...Watch the next chapter and find out. YAY!

-----------------------------
Chapter 3: Seven Days After Two Days Before Three Days After Four Days Before Two Days After Six Days Before Today.
-----------------------------

After the meeting, all the bosses return to their caves. During the day, an Antenna Beetle drops by the Shower Room.

Antenna Beetle: I have a message for a "Ranging Idiot...err Bloyster".

Watery Blowhog: He's on Floor 7, can't miss it.

*Antenna Beetle goes to Floor 7 and finds Ranging Bloyster"

Ranging Bloyster: What is it?

Antenna Beetle: I bring a message from a "The True Ruler of the.... Err... Joe Mama! NOTE: I am NOT, and never will be, the Titan Dweevil, who totally PWNS." * Takes out bomb rock* Let’s see here, oh yes: "DIE YOU STUPID SLUG! BURN! BURN!. Throw bomb rock." Oh, that's me, sorry. *Throws bombrock* Now what was I supposed to do? "Laugh evily." I haven't done this since college, but: MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ranging Bloyster: AH! A shiny bomb rock! It's time to go slow-mo!

*Everything starts happening in slow motion, as Ranging Bloyster starts running away at 0.000001MPH. In slow motion, that's REALLY slow.*

Ranging Bloyster: *Still in slow-mo* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *deep breath* OOOOOOOOO....

*After 2 hours of slow-mo running away, Ranging Bloyster makes it safely from the bomb, which still hasn't blown up*

Ranging Bloyster: *Stops slow-mo* Boy, that was a close call.

Antenna Beetle: Wait it says something else... "Goodbye you snail! Have fun in the afterlife! Run away." Oops, that was me again, sorry, I'm a new guy...

*Antenna Beetle jumps in the air, hits the ceiling, and fall on the bombrock that blows up right when he lands on it.*

Ranging Bloyster: I'm no genius, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen...

Antenna Beetle: Anyway, see you later DUDE! *leaves*

Ranging Bloyster: Who would want me dead though? Who would benefit? Oh man, this is a tough one...

*Jeopardy theme starts playing as the Ranging Bloyster starts thinking*

Ranging Bloyster: (Who hates me and would want me dead? Titan? Nah, he could just totally PWN me at any time, it can't be him... Speaking of Titan... What's for dinner? I hope its Mac and Cheese! That was yummy! ... Yummy! Maybe Giant Breadbug! Wait... No... He's anti-war hippee, he couldn't... That reminds me... I must prepare... "The Ham"... MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!.... Boy, it sure is weird how I could laugh evilly in my thoughts... I wonder what else I can do... I know! I'll play tic-tac-toe! I call X's!)

Meanwhile, at Glutton's Kitchen...

*Antenna Beetle lands and runs up to a Dwarf Bulbear*

Antenna Beetle: Yeah, I'm looking for a "My dearest, sweetest, cutest, adorablest, Giant Breadbug"?

Dwarf Bulbear: Floor 6, you can't miss him.

*Antenna Beetle goes to Floor 6 and finds the Giant Breadbug asleep*

Antenna Beetle: What was it they taught us to do at the academy... Oh yeah! *Roars*

Giant Breadbug: *still asleep* But mama, I don't want to eat desert...

Antenna Beetle: Umm... WAKE UP IMBECILE!

Giant Breadbug: *still asleep* That went through one ear and out.... Umm... Out the other thingy...

*Doodlebug runs up to Antenna Beetle*

Doodlebug: Hey mister! What are ye doing?

Antenna Beetle: Trying to wake this guy up. Any ideas?

Doodlebug: Oh, that's easy... Watch the masta! *walks up to Gaint Breadbug* FORTE FART! *Lets out a huge fart as the room shakes and boulders fall all over the place. Giant Breadbug gets up and yawns*

Giant Breadbug: Yeah? What's up?

Doodlebug: Some dude is here to see you. See ya later! *vanishes in midair like all Doodlebug's mysteriously manage to pull off*

Antenna Beetle: I have a message from a "Secret Admirer"... Well... To be honest... I'm going to need some help hauling it in...

Giant Breadbug: Just tell the breadbugs to do it, they can lift anything!

Antenna Beetle: Righto! *leaves to the third floor of Glutton's Kitchen*

Breadbug #1: Yeah?

Breadbug #2: What a second! It's my turn!

Breadbug #1: Nuhuh!

Breadbug #3529: Come on! This is my turn to say it!

Breadbug #17: No! It is my turn!

Antenna Beetle: Sorry for butting in, but why don't you all say it aat the same time?

Breadbug #25763: Excellent idea! Ready guys?

Breadbug #723: Uhh... I don't remember it...

Breadbug #4527: You idiot! You're supposed to say-

Breadbug #53928: ARE YOU CRAZY! You're about to say it right infront of our visitor!

Breadbug #723: Well, how can we all say it at once if I don't say it!? That ain't fair!

Breadbug #74920: Yeah man! We're supposed to say it all at once!

Antenna Beetle: Listen, I really don't-

Breadbug #754231: Nonesense! We'll get it said! No worries!

Antenna Beetle: You all don't understand, I-

Breadbug #347: You mean to tell us we spend our whole lives telling everybody we're the nicest guys around when you tell us not to greet you!? Are you mad!?

Antenna Beetle: You have no idea...

Breadbug #7659: Guys Guys! Why don't we give it a nice sporting shoot eh?

Antenna Beetle: LISTEN HERE NOW! Giant Breadbug wants you all to skip the greeting from now on and help me carry stuff inside!

Breadbug #4576: I dunno, how can we trust you?

Antenna Beetle: Would a complete and utter stranger lie to you?

Breadbug #2: He's got a point guys! Let's do this!

Breadbug #3: *snicker* #2...

Breadbug #5: Don't get me started on what #3 means! Listen to what *snicker* #2 says and let's move!

*15 minutes pass and Giant Breadbug walks in*

Giant Breadbug: So, what was it that you needed to haul in?

*Antenna Beetle points behind Giant Breadbug. He spins around a sees a gaint mountain consisting of nachos and chocolates*

Giant Breadbug: *holding back tears* It's... It's so beautiful! *starts crying over Antenna Beetle's shoulder*

Antenna Beetle: O_O... *starts patting Giant Breadbug's back* Now now... It's going to be ok...

Giant Breadbug: *burps* Thanks *jumps into the mountain of food and starts eating*

Antenna Beetle: Also, they wanted me to tell you to meet them on Floor 11 of Hole of Heroes.

Giant Breadbug: *mouth full* mfffiiminne mgh mfh...

Antenna Beetle: Anyway, see you later DUDE! *leaves*

Giant Breadbug: (Gee, I wonder who my secret admirer is.. ignoring the only female at all the meetings and practically the only one I ever see who won't stop staring at me like I have an infestation. COME ON! Is eating a Puffstool such a crime? It's a delicacy man! That means it is delicious and its food! and food must be eaten, right!? I mean, I bet she knows all sorts of things about cooking... Speaking of cooks, we need better cooks then these guys... They can't do anything right! They argue and argue amd argue amd... Hey look! A ham!)

Meanwhile, in the Subterranean Complex...

*Antenna Beetle lands and runs up to a Careening Drigibug*

Careening Drigibug: *makes bomb-rock* Hey buddy...

Antenna Beetle: Yeah, I'm looking for a "My 2nd youngest bro, Man-At-Legs"?

Careening Drigibug: He's on Floor 9.

Antenna Beetle: Thanks!

Careening Drigibug: Wait a second, hey buddy, wanna see something cool?

Antenna Beetle: Yeah, sure!

Careening Drigibug: *drops bomb-rock* There's some nice milk chocolate inside that bomb-err rock. Go ahead... Take a bite...

Antenna Beetle: I dunno... I have a strict schedule...

Careening Drigibug: C'mon man... Chocolate...

Antenna Beetle: Well... Umm... You see...

Careening Drigibug: Chocolate...Chocolate...Chocolate

All Careening Drigibugs: *chanting* Chocolate... Chocolate... Chocolate...

Antenna Beetle: I-Um... Eep....(C'Mon, think of something fast...)NOSEHAIR! (Ok, maybe not that fast...) I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!! (BRILLIANT!)*Runs off*

*Antenna Beetle lands on Floor 9 and spots MAL buried in the center like normal*

Antenna Beetle: I Bring a message from "Your older, cooler, smarter, nerdier, bigger fan of Nintedo...

*MAL starts rising*

Antenna Beetle: *doesn't notice*... Who has the UBER awesome feet that you only dreamed of having and never will have...

*MAL aims at Antenna Beetle*

Antenna Beetle:*still doesn't notice* ... And the current ruler of the world, Raging Long-Legs!" Anyway, he wanted me to tell you that-

*MAL shoots Antenna Beetle*

Antenna Beetle: AAHH! Emergency meeting tonight! Anyway, see you later DUDE! *leaves*

Meanwhile... Wait, your probably tired of all these "Meanwhile" Things and just want to see the meeting, right? So yeah... That night at the meeting...

Raging Long-Legs: Wow, you're pretty early today Ranging! What's up?

Ranging Bloyster: Well, someone here tried to kill me today, and I'm going to find out who!

Raging Long-Legs: No way!

Ranging Bloyster: Yeah, I know, hard to believe someone would want to kill little ole' me, right?

Raging Long-Legs: No, not that, I just bought a DS! W00T!

*instead of chirping, the crickets stare at the PWNAGE that is the DS*

Raging Long-Legs: Anyway, what was that you were saying?

Ranging Bloyster: Someone tried to kill me!

Raging Long-Legs: Really? Same here!

Ranging Bloyster: O_O WOW! Who would want you dead?

Raging Long-Legs: I know! There's only one person here who hates me but I'm going to totally ignore him and say who wanted me dead!? And my name isn't Geeky Long-Legs!

Ranging Bloyster: Ok, let's thing about this for a second: There are only three caves that have acsess to the messengers. Titan, your cave, and Pileated.

Raging Long-Legs: I wouldn't want to kill myself... I'm betting Pileated, with those shifty eyes and all...

Ranging Bloyster: Let's compare how they enter, then decide who done it.

Raging Long-Legs: Good idea! By the way, you brought the ham right? Giant Breadbug refused to come unless he got a free ham.

Ranging Bloyster: Oh, I brought it all right... MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Raging Long-Legs: ... I really don't see what's so funny about a ham...

Ranging Bloyster: Huh? I said that out-loud? That was supposed to be in my head!

Raging Long-Legs: Wait, I don’t see a-?

Ranging Bloyster: Don’t get me started on heads, ok?

*Titan Dweevil enters*

Titan Dweevil: Hello guy who claims to be the Ruler of the Shiny Stuff when they really aren't. Hello guy who's the leader when I really should be the leader.

Pileated Snagret: *enters* What's Happenin' Y'all!?

Ranging Bloyster: Oh yeah, it is definatly Pileated.

*Widow Empress and Emperor Bulblax enter*

Emperor Bulblax: But mommy! Where do babies really come from?

Widow Empress: For the Hundreth time, they come from my butt!

Emperor Bulblax: I want the truth!

*MAL and Beady Long-Legs enter*

Beady Long-Legs: Sorry I'm later than usual, but somebody *glares at MAL* had to shoot the messenger!

MAL: *falls asleep*

Segmented Crawbster: *enters* Please tell me that this meeting is actually worth my time...

Giant Breadbug: *runs in* Where's da ham! I came here understanding that there will be a nice ham!

Ranging Bloyster: Here you go. *hands Giant Breadbug the ham* It was made especially for you.... MUHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Giant Breadbug: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

Ranging Bloyster: ... You weren't supposed to laugh, you were supposed to shrug and say "A ham's a ham!" then start to eat it!

Giant Breadbug: Oh, you mean like this? *ahem* *shrugs* A ham's a ham! *starts eating ham, and finishes*

Raging Long-Legs: Terrible news folks, Lord Burrowing was killed by the Pikmin, so Pileated will now be known as Lord Pileated.

Pileated Snagret: WOOT!... Err, I mean, poor soul...

Emperor Bulblax: I have a question... Why are we all here? What sets us apart from the rest? Why are we all special, especially me who is extra-special?

Widow Empress: I'm the wife of the now dead Grand Emperor... Yeah...

Beady Long-Legs: I'm Man-At-Legs' and Raging Long-Legs' youngest brother... Yep...

Emperor Bulblax: Mommy says I'm special!

Giant Breadbug: I am the founder of FAF, Families Against Fighting, and I totally control half of the food on the planet!

Pileated Snagret: Well, I used to be second in command watching over the land and making sure it is healthy and all, but now I'm number one! YAY!

MAL: *creaks*

Beady Long-Legs: Yeah, my brother has a gun that totally PWNs feet.

Raging Long-Legs: No it doesn't!

Ranging Bloyster: I'm the elected leader of all the small, insignificant families. Together, we rule!

*suddenly, Titan Dweevil's Monster Pump starts running*

Ranging Bloyster: You hear that? It sounds like a thousand waterfalls! Gallons and gallons of water, pounding in an endless flow...

Titan Dweevil: Sorry about that *Monster Pump stops* the darn thing keep messing up on me!

Giant Breadbug: (Must... Resist... Urge...)

Ranging Bloyster: Guys! I just remembered I had to go do something! I gotta go gotta go gotta go right now... Gotta go gotta go gotta GO!

Giant Breadbug: Hold that thought, because I GOTTA GO NOW! *runs out of the room*

*Everyone is silent as the room shakes violently and they hear a giant explosion*

Giant Breadbug: So sorry about that, where were we?

Waterwraith: *walks in, yellowish with some brown* FREEDOM! I praise the air! HAHAHAH! The light! The light!

Ranging Bloyster: (YES! IT WORKED!) HAH! Titan, that's 4 votes to your 3. I am officially the Ruler of the Shiny Stuff!

All but Titan: *while putting crown on Ranging Bloyster's head**singing* For he's a jolly good Ruler of the Shiny Stuff! For he's a jolly good Ruler of the Shiny stuff! For he's a jolly good Ruler of the Shiny Stuff that nobody can deny!

Titan Dweevil: Except me! I deny him!

Waterwraith: Boy, its good to be back!

Titan Dweevil: Hey Waterwuss, why don't you go down to the nearest lake and drown yourself?

Waterwraith: Ummm.... I kinda made of water...

Titan Dweevil:... Someone get a sponge.

Ranging Bloyster: Anyway, we were going around saying the reason why we're at the meetings, it is your turn Waterwuss.

Waterwraith: I founded the home for the exiles, also known as the Submerged Castle!

Giant Breadbug: Your cave is so wet! There are puddles all over the place!

Waterwraith: Yeah, some of them have crying fits.. and well... That's why it is submerged...

Segmented Crawbster: I am taken from my awesome life to hang with you losers because I am the leader of the Grand Emperor's armed forces!

Raging Long-Legs: I am friends with every single family, and I was best friends with the Grand Emperor! I have the largest cave, and one of younger brothers can shoot stuff! I also the new leader!

Titan Dweevil: The weapons! They PWN j00!

Doodlebug: *runs in* And I'm the annoying kid who runs in here and interrupts the meetings to show everyone my newest farts! Like the new, awesome, FUNKY FART!

*Doodle bug farts and a disco ball appears from nowhere. Everyone goes disco style, grows an afro, and goes funky for about 15 minutes. That is, everyone but Titan Dweevil, who is staring at the disco ball with hearts all around his eyes*

Titan Dweevil: *walks up to disco ball* So...Umm... Do you like to sniff cheese?

Disco ball: (I'm a freakin' disco ball! I can't talk!)

Titan Dweevil: You're looking absolutley fabulous...

Disco ball: (I don't like that look punk, back off Jack!)

Titan Dweevil: Want to check out my cave? It's very cozy...

Disco ball: (Oh, if only I had a fist for just five seconds... FIVE SECONDS!)

*Everything goes back to normal except Titan Dweevil who is stroking the Disco ball*

Titan Dweevil: My preciooouuss....

Disco ball: (This guy puts the insane in... INSANE!)

Raging Long-Legs: Back to the point, Lord Burrowing-

Beady Long-Legs: Lord Burrowing was an idiot. He stayed right where it was obvious the Pikmin were headed next. He refused to use other elements other then fire, and those few poison jets were stupidly placed. He also had very few guards! We should be asking how couldn't he die!

Pileated Snagret: You're just saying that because you live in the Perplexing Pool!

Beady Long-Legs: DUH! The Pikmin aren't even close, and they won't be for a long time! We here are as safe as can be!

Raging Long-Legs: Well, we got all the issues straightened out, so we can go-

Segmented Crawbster: YAY!

Raging Long-Legs: As soon as we are sure Titan Dweevil isn't insane.

Segmented Crawbster: BOO!

Raging Long-Legs: Ok, I will ask you one question Titan, and if you get it right, we can all go, if not, we stay here for three hours.

Titan Dweevil: Calm down.. Calm down... I'm not insane... I'm not insane... (Yes you are.) AHHH! WHO ARE YOU!?

Raging Long-Legs: Correct! That is Nintendo's new slogan! Meeting is over!

*As everyone leaves, Raging Long-Legs and Ranging Bloyster run up to Pileated Snagret*

Raging Long-Legs: We know what you did yesterday...

Pileated Snagret: (No they don't! They can't know!) Really?

Ranging Bloyster: Yeah! You never filled out a ballot!

Pileated Snagret : (*phew*) Yeah, I couldn't.

Raging Long-Legs: We also know that you killed Lord Burrowing by tricking him into staying in your cave, isn't that right?

Pileated Snagret: (AH! How'd they know!?) I honestly thought the Pikmin were heading elsewhere! Honest!

Ranging Bloyster: Right, well, if you slip up one more time, you get the boot!

Pileated Snagret: NO! Not that! Have mercy!

Raging Long-Legs: *looking at a large, dirty, smelly, worn out boot* Oh yeah, you have to stay in that your whole life! So no more slip-ups, no more murders, and we're all happy, got it!?

Pileated Snagret: Yeah... Yeah! *leaves*

Ranging Bloyster: You see how nervous he was? He had to be the one behind it!

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah, but he still doesn't know we're on to him! I can't wait to get him back!

FIN

Will Raging Long-Legs and Ranging Bloyster catch the person who sent the bombs? Will Pileated Snagret slip up again? Will Doodlebug create an awesome new fart in time for the next meeting? Will Titan Dweevil ever become the Ruler of the Shiny Stuff? Find out... Some time during the fic. You know, I have no idea if we'll ever find out some of these... Ok, I'll shut up and get to work on the next chapter.

---------------------------
Chapter 4: The day after yesterday's tomorrow's day before five days after three days after the week before yesterday.
---------------------------

Two hours after the meeting Giant Breadbug finally makes it to the very front gates of Hole of Heroes.

Hermit Crawmad: What do you want!?

Giant Breadbug: I have an appointment in Hole of Heroes, floor 11.

Hermit Crawmad: *laughs* I don't suppose you have a guide, do you?

Giant Breadbug: Err... I was pretty sure I wasn't going to need one.

Hermit Crawmad: Well, we do have guides for sale.... But it is going to cost you a small fee.

Giant Breadbug: Oh, ok! What is it?

Hermit Crawmad: One nacho!

Giant Breadbug: BLASPHEMY! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE IT ALIVE!!! *Mouth starts foaming*

Hermit Crawmad: *shrugs* Help yourself *gate is lowered* But I warned you... You might spend your whole live in that cave...

Giant Breadbug: Oh yeah? Why's that?

Hermit Crawmad: It's because of the... *dramatic music plays* Morphagig! *thunder strikes in the background, frying the record player* *dramatic music ends* OH DARN IT! That stupid lightning bolt ruins my scam every time! How am I going to get rich when it keeps busting my record player?

Giant Breadbug: Listen, just how big could this single cave be? I'll be in and out in no time, you'll see! *runs down the path and enters the Hole of Heroes*

Hermit Crawmad: I guess they finally gotten around to installing a cafeteria... Must've run out of bread of something.

Meanwhile, at the Dream Den.

Titan Dweevil: *showing the Disco Ball around his floor* It's a real comfy place and I know you'll enjoy your stay.

Disco Ball: (Great.... Just great... I get to spend the rest of my existence with this lunatic)

Titan Dweevil: You're purdy.

Disco Ball: (O_O Wo-wwait a second... What are you doing!?)

Titan Dweevil: I think I'll go... Turn off the lights...

Disco Ball: (Oh no! *shrieks in terror*)

Back at the Hole of Heroes, floor 1...

Giant Breadbug: *stomach growls* I'm hungry.... *spots three sunflowers sticking out of the ground* Nothing like some flowers as a snack! *takes a bite out of the middle flower* This tastes funny.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: *emerges* AHH! Leggo my neck!

Giant Breadbug: Why?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: For I am the mighty, all knowing, Creeping Chrysanthemum!

Giant Breadbug:... The Creeping Candycane?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: NO! The Creeping Chrysanthemum!

Giant Breadbug: That's what I said! The Creeping Cookie Monster!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Ok, let's practice saying it: The Creeping.

Giant Breadbug: The Creeping.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Chrys.

Giant Breadbug: Chrys.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Anth.

Giant Breadbug: Anth.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Emum.

Giant Breadbug: Emum.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Now say it all together!

Giant Breadbug: The Creeping Crybaby!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: You know what? Forget the name. Just know that you aren't supposed to eat me.

Giant Breadbug: And why is that?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Because I'm a living thing! And it's a crime to kill something!

Giant Breadbug: You see, normally I'd agree with you, but it isn't considered killing if you eat a sunflower. You are a plant, correct?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: I am, BUT, I have feelings, unlike most other ones.

Giant Breadbug: My point was that you are a plant, and that is all that matters. So hold still while I break your neck-

Creeping Chrysanthemum: You mean stem.

Giant Breadbug: Yes, that's right, your stem, so I may feast on the gluttony that is your body.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Are you calling me fat, punk?

Giant Breadbug: You have got to be the fattest thing in this cave!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Well, I was the second largest, but since you entered, I've been third!

Sheargrubs: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! BURN!

Giant Breadbug: That's it. It ends here, and it ends now. Bring it pencil-neck!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Look who's talking no-neck!

Sheargrubs: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! DOUBLE-BURN!

Giant Breadbug: You're next!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: What are you waiting for punk? Put your big, freakishly huge mouth where your money is!

Giant Breadbug: YAHHHHHH!!! *Rams into Creeping Chrysanthemum's belly knocking him to the ground*

Creeping Chrysanthemum: AHH! Get me up! I knew I should've bought those legs at the store!

Giant Breadbug: *jumps on Creeping Chrysanthemum's face and gets a death-grip on his stem* How 'bout them muffins?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Err.... Mercy?

Giant Breadbug: Too late! *tears off Creeping Chrysanthemum's mouth, causing the entire body to vanish except the mouth* WHAT!? This is such a rip-off! Oh well, I bet the mouth tastes good. *takes bite* YUCK! It's all spiky and stuff! Forget you man, you taste horrible!

Sheargrub: Uhh... You already killed him...

Giant Breadbug: Nobody insults me! Got it? Lest ye wants to be eaten by the master of mouths!

Sheargrubs: By the way, we weren't booing at you. You were awesome man. Yeah... Awesome...

Giant Breadbug: Not that it matters. I have an important appointment on Floor 11. See you later! *leaves*

Sheargrub #1: Do you think he's gonna make it?

Sheargrub #7: Nah... Maybe... That was some display of courage back there. Maybe he has what it takes to reach the goal...

Meanwhile, at the Bulblax Kingdom...

Fiery Bulblax: *Walks into Emperor Bulblax's room* Sir? There is something very important I have to tell you.

Emperor Bulblax: *too busy singing* MIGHTY MORPHING MONKEY MEN! What'cha gonna do, when they poo on j00!? MIGHTY MORPHING MONKEY MEN! *notices Fiery Bulblax* OHH! Story time already!?

Fiery Bulblax: No, but the security is getting angry. They believe they are getting underpaid and they are getting no breaks.

Emperor Bulblax: Daddy said to show them punks who is boss! If I start changing my policies, they'll get the better of me!

Fiery Bulblax: Listen here: Either you give us good working conditions, or we quit! You are running us crazy with these insane shifts! You know full well the Pikmin won't attack at night!

Emperor Bulblax: The Pikmin!? Who cares about the Pikmin!? Night-time is when all the REAL bad guys attack!

Fiery Bulblax: Like...?

Emperor Bulblax: Like the Sandman, The tooth fairy, The boogie man, Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny... Are you writing these down!?

Fiery Bulblax: You know that they all don't-

Emperor Bulblax: They exist I say! I know they do! THE INTERNET NEVER LIES!1!1!!11!!1ONE+ONE!111111!!!!

Fiery Bulblax: So what if they do, there is no reason for the pesticide squad o be working the triple-shift!?

Emperor Bulblax: What about Cooties huh? I'm young and weak, one cootie germ is enough to kill me!

Fiery Bulblax: What about your mom? Why doesn't she have cooties?

Emperor Bulblax: Because she's too old! And she's already outlived the cooties!

Fiery Bulblax: but to the point, we need more supplies, and other things.

Emperor Bulblax: HA! Well maybe you should've thought about that before you became my guards!

Fiery Bulblax: Sir? You commanded us to be your guards, we had no say in it!

Emperor Bulblax: Cotton Cubes! You could leave me here and now, you always knew that!

Fiery Bulblax: FINE! Then I'll leave you along with nearly all of your guards!

Emperor Bulblax: PAH! See if I care! I can survive on my own, I'm a strong guy! Just like my father!

Fiery Bulblax: That's exactly what your dad said before he got killed.

Emperor Bulblax: *gasp* What did you just say!?

Fiery Bulblax: Your dad's dead kid, accept it.

Emperor Bulblax: *cries* You mean he didn't just take an all expense paid one way trip to Montana? *throws temper tantrum*

Fiery Bulblax: Um... Ok...

Emperor Bulblax: You're fired punk! Leave!

Fiery Bulblax: Is that supposed to be some sort of cruel, sick joke! Why, I never! I'm leaving for good! *leaves*

Emperor Bulblax: ... Was my mom lying to me all along? Is everything she told me a lie? *opens family album and looks at various pictures. In all of them Widow Empress is in the Corner eating a pile of food*... Well I'll be if I sit here like a wuss! I'm going to go and find the truth! Ace detective Emperor Bulblax... AWAY! *runs into wall* I knew that! *runs out of the cave*

Meanwhile, Hole of Heroes, Floor 2.

Giant Breadbug: *crawling along the floor* Haven't eaten in.... 30 seconds... Need.... Fat and malnurishment...

Antenna Beetle: *drops in* YO! I have another package for a "Geeky Long-Legs". You know where I could find him?

Giant Breadbug: I can be the Geeky dude if that package has food in it.

Antenna Beetle: Err... It's just a moldy cookie!

Giant Breadbug: GREAT! I'm this Geeky Long-Legs! The guy that sent it is a good friend of mine!

Antenna Beetle: You mean "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU CHOKE AND DIE YOU STUPID FACE-LACKING FREAK!!" Is your best pal!?

Giant Breadbug: Yeah sure whatever. GIMME COOKIE! *eats the cookie, and suddenly turns green*

Antenna Beetle: Are you alright dude?

Giant Breadbug:... Quick... Pancake-Bismol... Please...

Antenna Beetle: Umm... I don't have any...

Giant Breadbug: GAH! Get me on the third floor! Fast!

Antenna Beetle: It's dead ahead!

Giant Breadbug! Thanks! Get out of here while you still can, this is going to be ugly...

Antenna Beetle: Anyway, see you later dude! *leaves*

Giant Breadbug: *jumps in Floor 3* Everybody out NOW! Unless you want to die a painful death, get moving!

Watery Blowhog: Why?

Giant Breadbug: I've got really bad gas and I'm afraid I'm going to use it!

Withery Blowhog: Please, like a fart is going to kill us. Bring it one man!

Puffy Blowhog: Yeah! Bring it!

Giant Breadbug: *sigh* Don't say I didn't warn you... *after he farts, there is a great flash of light, and then the room shakes violently. Everything falls to the floor dead.* I really need to learn how to control my gas. Oh well, I warned them and they didn't believe me, not my bad.. *whistles and enters Floor 4*

Meanwhile, in the Submerged Castle.

Yellow Wollywog: SIR! SIR! You HAVE to check this thing out!

Waterwraith: You just interrupted my hourly temper-tantrum. This had better be good.

Yellow Wollywog: Well, you see sir, me and the others were checking out the tunnels when we came across the strangest thing... You better see for yourself... *shows Waterwraith two large stone rollers* These things were so odd, we thought you might be interested...

Waterwraith: *jumps on the rollers and runs over stuff* WOAH! This is cool! I never used to be able to run over stuff! Finally! My patience has paid off! Soon my enemies will know a new meaning to the word "revenge". ... And "road kill".... And "pancakes"... And "STREAMROLLER'D"... MUHUHA-

Anode Beetle: Do you mind? I'm trying to cry myself to sleep here!

Waterwraith: Oh, sorry... [INSERT EVIL LAUGHING HERE].

Meanwhile, in the Cavern of Chaos.

Segmented Crawbster: *wakes up suddenly* AHH!

Gatling Groink: What's wrong?

Segmented Crawbster: I just had a feeling that something horrible just happened...

Gatling Groink: Well, just go back to sleep.

Segmented Crawbster: I don't think I can... Can you get me some warm milk?

Gatling Groink: (Why oh why do I do this for a living?) *hands warm milk* There you go, and don't forget your Pikmin plushie! *hands it to segmented Crawbster*

Segmented Crawbster: *drinks milk and snuggles with Pikmin plushie* Thanks. *is about to go to sleep, but eyes open again* Oh, and you know what I'll do to you if you tell anyone about this, right?

Gatling Groink: Kill me and wait for me to heal so you can kill me again and again to make my life a never ending typhoon of pain and misery?

Segmented Crawbster: Bingo. *Snuggles with Pikmin plushie and goes to sleep*

Gatling Groink: (This has got to be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen)

Meanwhile, at the Hole of Heroes, Floor 4.

Giant Breadbug: Huh... Nothing horrible about this place, just a giant indentation in the center. I should-

Pileated Snagret #2: *surfaces* HA! Where do you think you're going?

Giant Breadbug: To Floor 11.

Pileated Snagret #2: Oh... Umm... No way fatty!

Giant Breadbug: And you are...?

Pileated Snagret #2: Pileated Snagret #2, and my partner in... Stuff... Burrowing Snagret #2!

Burrowing Snagret #2: Yo.

Giant Breadbug: *rolls on the floor laughing* You're both #2! Hahahahaha!

Burrowing Snagret #2: Kill him?

Pileated Snagret #2: Kill him.

Giant Breadbug: Uh-Oh...

Burrowing Snagret #2: spaghetti-O!

Pileated Snagret #2: Eat beak! *starts chasing Giant Breadbug around*

Giant Breadbug: (Wait, if I leap the gap, that will stall them long enough for me to get through! W00TAGE!) *runs toward hole in the center*

Burrowing Snagret #2: *surfaces in the center of the pit* Going somewhere?

Giant Breadbug: I can do this! YAH! *slow-mo* *Giant Breadbug leaps into the air, but only goes half an inch and starts rolling down the hole as slow-mo stops* Aww Wheaties... *rolls down and hits Burrowing Snagret #2 straight in the face, stunning him* W00T! *starts running out of the hole*

Pileated Snagret #2: Why do I have to work with an idiot? *leaps into the hole*

Burrowing Snagret #2: *is snapping back* Oh, that punk is- *looks up* Awww man... *gets smashed by Pileated Snagret #2* AHH! You're letting him get away!

Pileated Snagret #2: I am? You're the idiot who let him pass by without a fight!

Burrowing Snagret #2: Hey, just because you have a foot doesn't make you better than me! That's one more part of you that smells!

Pileated Snagret #2: SILENCE! *steps on Burrowing Snagret #2's face*

Giant Breadbug: Almost... At... Freedom... *huff*... *runs out of the hole and dashes towards the tunnel that leads to the hole*

Pileated Snagret #2: AHH! *is gaining on Giant Breadbug*

Giant Breadbug: *slides into the tunnel at last minutes, causing Pileated to ram his head straight into it* HA! IN YOUR FACE!

Pileated Snagret #2: Grr... *burrows*

Giant Breadbug: Yeah you'd better start burrowing! Punk...

Pileated Snagret #2: *head surfaces right behind Giant Breadbug* Miss me? *starts pecking at him*

Giant Breadbug: I've had enough of you! Check this out! *rams into wall, causing a boulder to fall on Pileated Snagret #2's face*

Pileated Snagret #2: Ouch... I give... *burrows*

Giant Breadbug: W00T! *proceeds to Floor 5* Dang... I'm sleepy *notices a Bulbmin*

Bulbmin: AHHH! I need help! AHHH! The voices in my head! Make 'em stop!

Giant Breadbug: Why don't you go to where they are holding a meeting? There are lot's of smart people at meetings.

Bulbmin: Huh... Never thought of that... *leaves*

Giant Breadbug: (gee... I hope I'm not missing any meetings they might be having... But I really need to thank whoever sent me that mountain of food... Hey, is that a nacho? One nacho... Two nachos... Three nachos... Four nachos... ZZZZZZZZzzzz)

FIN

Will Giant Breadbug make it to Floor 11? Will Segmented Crawbster's horrible secret ever get out? Will Waterwraith get revenge on those who wronged him? Will we have the answers to these questions by the end of the fic? Find out... By the end of the fic!

------------
Chapter 5: Revenge is a Dish Best Served with Streamrollers.
------------

Giant Breadbug: *wakes up* Oh no! I slept in! Wait... No... I have nothing to worry about, it's not like they'd jus spontaneously have a meeting without me. To Floor 11! *jumps to Floor 6*

Water Dumple: HALT!

Giant Breadbug: Huh?

Water Dumple: No one can pass this place if they just ate!

Giant Breadbug:... But.... I always just ate....

Water Dumple: Well, then you're going to have to wait a whole hour. You don't want to get a cramp and drown, do you?

Giant Breadbug: An hour... WITHOUT FOOD!?

Water Dumple: That's the only way you're getting through. Sorry buddy, regulations.

Giant Breadbug: Don't "That's the only way you're getting through. Sorry buddy, regulations" Me punk! I HAVE to get to Floor 11!

Water Dumple: Well, you can't leave either, the gyeser is one the other side too. Looks like you'll have to go for an hour without eating.

Giant Breadbug: Oh Poopie. *waits*

*Let's take a break from the Giant Breadbug for just a hot second (or hour) and take a peek at yet another meeting that was called that very same day. Sheesh, they're calling a lot of these meetings, aren't they?*

Segmented Crawbster: *yawns* Blah blah blah... Why did you drag me out of my life... blah blah blah... YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR THIS!

Titan Dweevil: Don't fear, for the magic Disco Ball is here!

Pileated Snagret: Titan?

Titan Dweevil: Yes?

Pileated Snagret: That's just Doodlebug's Disco Ball. With a wizard's hat glued to it.

Disco Ball: (SOMEBODY PLEASE! KILL ME NOW! END MY SUFFERING!)

Ranging Bloyster: Ugh, what is taking Raging so long?

Widow Empress: What say you, Spider-with-Gun-that-PWNs?

MAL: *creak* (Activate sleep mode.)

Emperor Bulblax: (I know mommy is lying to me, and I'll prove it too! I just have to wait for the right moment! Soon, the truth will be revealed!) *shifty eyes*

Segmented Crawbster: Great, now we are all bored again. Waterwuss, do something stupid like you always do.

Ranging Bloyster: Waterwuss, you still have to pay for the bed you wet!

Waterwraith: What!?

Ranging Bloyster: We were kind enough to lend you a guest bed and what's that? You have a bad dream and you wet yourself!

Waterwraith: I'm made of water!

Ranging Bloyster: Oh yeah? Prove it.

Waterwraith: I am.

Ranging Bloyster: Well, that solves that mystery.

Segmented Crawbster: Hey, how many Waterwuss's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ranging Bloyster: I don't know, how many?

Segmented Crawbster: None! He's to scared to touch one!

Ranging Bloyster: HA! What an idiot!

Waterwraith: You know what Ranging, I'm getting sick of you making fun of me.

Ranging Bloyster: Awww... I huwt his feewings!

Waterwraith: The world has a way of making jerks like you get your pay for how you acted to people like me.

Ranging Bloyster: If that's the case, what's taking it so long huh? Maybe the world is on my side!

Waterwraith: Or maybe not. *rock pillars fall from the sky and he jumps on them* THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST REVENGE EVA!

Ranging Bloyster: Holy COW! O_O Waterwuss, where'd you find those?

Waterwraith: I'm making some new rules around here. If you call me Waterwuss one more time, you'll be flatter than a pancake.

Segmented Crawbster: Talk about originality. You totally stole my line.

Waterwraith: Shut it or you're next!

Segmented Crawbster: Do you think I'm afriad of you? I'm still bigger than you, so I can still run you over. Ranging Bloyster on the other hand, have fun.

Ranging Bloyster: WHAT!? I thought we were best friends!

Segmented Crawbster: Nah, I'm with Waterwuss-

Waterwraith: Wraith!

Segmented Crawbster:- wraith on this one. You have been a big jerk and took it way too far.

Ranging Bloyster: Does... This mean... We're through? *holds back tears*

Segmented Crawbster: Yes. From now on, you sleep on the couch. *soap opera music plays*

Ranging Bloyster: *cries* After all we did together!? I thought what we had was special!

Segmented Crawbster: When it come down to it, a streamroller beats a snail. By a long shot.

Waterwraith: WOOOT! I'm in! In your face, Ranging... BUFFOON!

Ranging Buffoon: But But- HEY! Don't you start on me too!

GP: Sorry, couldn't resist *vanishes*

Ranging Bloyster: Anyway, as I was-

Titan Dweevil: Say, where is his face?

Pileated Snagret: Seriously Waterwraith, where can you put the thing that was supposed to be in his face if he doesn't really have one?

Waterwraith: Ok, how about in that rose thing on his butt?

All the other bosses: *nodding in agrrement* Yeah, that works fine.

Ranging Bloyster: One day, I will get you back for this Crawbster! If it isn't me, it will be someone else! But somebody will take my place, and I will have my revenge! One day, if it is not I who punishes, someone shall! And at that instant, you will know it was me! It was me whom you cursed so much these past 5 minutes! I shall get my revenge! For my revenge is near, because-

Waterwraith: FOR THE LOVE OF LAWN ORNAMENTS, WE GOT IT! *runs Ranging Bloyster over*

Ranging Bloyster: Ok... I'll just sit here and try to stay concious with all this pain... OUCH....

Raging Long-Legs *Enters* Why- Those little... ERGH....

Pileated Snagret: What's wrong?

Raging Long-Legs: Deep easy breaths.... Find the happy place...

Segmented Crawbster: Out with it man!

Raging Long-Legs: THEY KILLED HIM! THOSE DARN PIKS KILLED MY BROTHER AND HIS NOT-AS-GREAT-AS-MY FEET! I'M GONNA THROW THEM OFF A DRAWBRIDGE INTO A PIT OF LAVA! I"M GOING TO SLICE AND DICE THEM WITH A TIME-TRAVELING SWORD! I'M GONNA EAT ONE, BECOME ONE, THEN KILL THEM ALL!

Pileated Snagret: Woah, calm do-

Raging Long-Legs: I'M GOING TO TEAR OUT THEIR BEADY LITTLE EYES AND FEED THEM TO MY MEXICAN GOATS! *mouth starts foaming*

Ranging Bloyster: O_O;... And I though him twitching an eye was something...

Titan Dweevil: *clears throat* *takes out shiny glove* *walks right infront of Raging* *slaps*

Raging Long-Legs: o_0

Titan Dweevil: *slaps four more times* *puts away glove and walks away*

Raging Long-Legs: Whew, thanks Titan.

Titan Dweevil: No prob.

Bulbmin: *runs in* AHH! STOP THE VOICES! AHHH!!!

Waterwraith: Why don'y you ask Titan? He's a master when it comes to voices talking in his head.

Titan Dweevil: Har Har (ROTFL)... Ok...

*Bulbmin looks up and sees a Pikmin with Devil horns holding a trident*

Devil Pik: KILL THEM ALL! MUHUHAHAHA! YOU ARE UNDER MY CONTROL NOW!

*Bulbmin looks the other way and sees a Bulborb with a halo and a harp*

Angel Bulborb: No! You must do what is right! Kill the Pikmin scum!

Devil Pik: NO! YOU HAVE TO KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND CARRY THEM BACK TO YOUR ONION, SINGING, AND THEN DEVOUR THEM!

Angel Bulborb: Listen to what your heart says!

Bulbmin: Umm... *mouth twitches*

Devil Pik: I KNOW YOUR HUNGRY FOR SOME GOOD OL' BULBORB! LET'S GO HUNTING!

Angel Bulborb: Can you please go easy on the CAPs? It's really annoying my eyes.

Devil Pik: WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO MAKE ME, PUNK!?

Angel Bulborb: *eats Devil Pik* Boy that was easy.

Bulbmin: Is it... Is it over?

Angel Bulborb: *grows horns* FAR FROM IT! MUHUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Bulbmin: EEEEEP! *faints*

Titan Dweevil: Someone call the Bulborbs in the White Coats.

Emperor Bulblax: OOH! Are they going to bring the comfy jacket and the fun pills?

Widow Empress: Of course honey. ^-^

Emperor Bulblax: ^-^

Ranging Bloyster: Wait a second... Something is missing...

Segmented Crawbster: YEAH! Where's the reference to ham? Where's Giant?

Raging Long-Legs: We can't seem to locate him. It seems the Pikmin got him too...

Widow Empress: *gasp*

Pileated Snagret: *silent*

Doodlebug: *farts*

Segmented Crawbster: *silent*

Emperor Bulblax: *does taxes while smoking cigar*

Widow Empress: *whacks Emperor* No smoking! How dare you!?

Emperor Bulblax: But Mommy! The Tooth Fairy said I'd be cool if I got Lung Cancer!

Pileated Snagret: *shifty eyes*

Ranging Bloyster:Hey Doodlebug! Get out of here NOW!

Doodlebug: Aww, come on guys! I just wanted to show you my newest fart! I call it... FUNNY FART! *farts*

*crickets don't chirp because they are on strike*

Crickets: *while waving Picket signs* NO MORE CHIRPING NO MORE PLOT FILLERS! WE WANT SOME ACTUAL LINES!

*so from now on, we will have Velociraptors*

Velociraptors: *are extinct*

Doodlebug: What? It didn't work? Awww man.... *leaves*

Titan Dweevil: You know, if Giant was killed, that means-

Segmented Crawbster: *ROTFL* You said "THAT"! OMG!

Ranging Bloyster: *XD* YOU USED INTERNET TALK!

Raging Long-Legs: *HAHAHAHAHA!* YOU USED A SMILEY EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T HAVE A FACE!

Widow Empress: Neither do you! *ROTFL* *runs over Ranging Bloyster*

Everyone: *OMGLOLZORS!*

Velociraptors: *snickering while extinct*

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Doodlebug: HA! I knew it would work! The farts haven't failed me yet!

Titan Dweevil: *whew* Boy, we really needed that.

Doodlebug: To the Fortress of Farts, AWAY! *runs*

Titan Dweevil: As I was saying, if Giant did die, then I'll have one more vote than Ranging, and I'll be the Ruler of the Shiny Stuff once more! How bout them Sparkles?

Raging Long-Legs: unfortunately Titan, we don't have time to discuss that now. Our information has adhered that their next target with be...

*dramatic Music*

Segmented Crawbster: Yeah?

Raging Long-Legs: Wait for it....

Everyone: *waits*

Raging Long-Legs: Just a few seco- Bulblax Kingdom.

Emperor Bulblax: OH NOES!

Waterwraith: Boy you are screwed! *laughs*

Raging Long-Legs: Luckily, I have devised a plan to save the Emperor.

Waterwraith: What? That is so LAME!

Pileated Snagret: What's so lame about it? All he has to do is trick one of his brothers into staying at the Bulblax Kingdom when the Pikmin arrive, so they go and kill the fake instead of the real deal. It works like a charm, especially if you lie to them saying that you're the one who's gonna die.

Widow Empress: Gee Pileated, from the way you describe it sounds like you've done this before.

Pileated Snagret: *shifty eyes* Umm... No... C-course not...

Raging Long-Legs: Well then, so it's settled. I don't think we have anything thing else to talk about, so I think we can go ahead and get home!

Segmented Crawbster: YAY FOR GOING HOME AND DITCHING YOU LOSERS! *leaves*

*Everyone starts leaving*

Titan Dweevil: Hey Raging, I know you are jealous, but that's no excuse for trying to kill me.

Raging Long-Legs: Me? Trying to kill you? Are you crazy?

Titan Dweevil: Well, it was obviously from you because you're the only one who's jealous of my rugged good looks *winks toward the audience, causing them to throw up*

Raging Long-Legs: *rolls eyes* Sure I-

Titan Dweevil: How did you do that!? You don't have any eyes!

Raging Long-Legs: Umm... I dunno...

Titan Dweevil: Anyway, what were we arguing about? Oh yeah, stop trying to kill me, and tell Ranging Bloyster to stop too.

Raging Long-Legs: You really are stupid, aren't you?

Titan Dweevil: Wha-?

Raging Long-Legs: whenever they make obvious hints to who they are in the letter, it's a red-dumple trick. In reality, it's someone else who is trying to frame you.

Titan Dweevil: Gee... You ARE smart. No wonder you like video games.

Raging Long-Legs: And just what do you mean by that?

Titan Dweevil: Err... Nothing?

Raging Long-Legs: Anyway, you aren't alone. Someone has been trying to kill both Ranging Bloyster and I, and they were pretending to be you.

Titan Dweevil: But who the heck would want us both dead?

Raging Long-Legs: You mean besides each other, right?

Titan Dweevil: Er... Right.

Raging Long-Legs: I don't know, but I've been trying to find out who. We're holding our suspicions against Pileated, because he's the only other guy with messengers.

Titan Dweevil: But what's his motive huh? How would us being dead help him? You see, you and Ranging both have a motive, so I'm still sure it's you two, even with that "false hint" idea.

Raging Long-Legs: You know, you have a really good reason to want Ranging and I dead also! If anything, maybe you tried to kill us!

Titan Dweevil: Now why would I do that?

Raging Long-Legs: Boy, you ARE stupid.

Titan Dweevil: FINE! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

Raging Long-Legs: Fine with me! We can be enemies for all I care!

Titan Dweevil: SO IT'S SETTLED! LEAVE ME ALONE THEN, YA FREAK! *runs out of room crying*

Raging Long-Legs: Some pal you are. I'll see to it we never work together again. *leaves*

*meanwhile, in the shadows*

?: Excellent. All is progressing smoothly. Now that I have destroyed their friendship, they will refuse to help each other in the hour of truth and will both be destroyed by the Pikmin. Excellent.

? #2: You just said excellent twice.

?: Shut up.

? #2: Ok... Shall we move on to the next phase?

?: Yes. Get a move on it! * Back with the Giant Breadbug*

Giant Breadbug: YES! The hour is through! YAYS! *runs into the water, which is just a puddle.* You had me wait an hour because I might get a cramp... Wading in THIS!?

Water Dumple: Err... I could've sworn it was deeper...

Giant Breadbug: Ha ha. You know, I've always wondered how Dumples tasted.

Water Dumple: *gulp*

*Floor 7*

Giant Breadbug: Hi. I'm trying to reach Floor 11.

Ranging Bloyster #2: A likely story!

Giant Breadbug: Hey man, can you just do me a favor and move outta the way? I'm running late,

Ranging Bloyster #2: I'll let you pass if you can beat me while the Cannon Beetle Larvae shoot boulders at you!

Giant Breadbug: *runs on top of Ranging Bloyster #2* Woah, you make this too easy.

Ranging Bloyster #2: *is hit by every last Cannon Beetle Larvae's boulder* Ouch... Open the gate!

Gate: *opens* (YAY I get a stage action!)

*Floor 8*

Giant Breadbug: Ooh! A flower! *eats flowers*

Flowers: (EEEEK! ALL IS LOST! ALL IS LOST!)

Mamuta: And just what do you think you're doing, no-neck?

Giant Breadbug: Back off Jack. I'm just eating my fill. And look who's talking, no face.

Flowers: (Dude, that guy just got burned) (Totally)

Mamuta: You best watch you freakishly large mouth, before you b watching it from the other side of the room.

Giant Breadbug: Ugh, you're just as persistent as that Creeping Candycane that I ate at the entrance-

Mamuta: You ATE my adorable Chrysanthemum!? How could you!? I'm going to slam your face into the dirt!

Giant Breadbug: Oh, I'm soooo scared. You're only, like, the 15th idiot who's said that to me so far!

Mamuta: Eat weird fist-arm thingy!

Giant Breadbug: It would be my pleasure. *grabs Mamuta's arm in his mouth* Yum! Tastes like Chicken!

Mamuta: How dare you associate me with that foul... foul!

Teh Chikin: Excuse me?

Mamuta: You heard me! You guys are disgusting!

Giant Breadbug: Dude, do you have a death-wish or something?

Mamuta: Oh, I'm so scared of a stupid bird. I'd never beg you for mercy!

Teh Chikin: Prepare yourself, for the greatest pain of all. CHIKIN POWERS ACTIVATE! *smoke covers Mamuta*

Mamuta: I'm a... I'm a... *smoke clears* A CUPCAKE!? YOU TURNED ME INTO A CUPCAKE!? What's so scary about that!?

Giant Breadbug: YAY! A Chicken flavored cupcake! I haven't eaten, in like 15 seconds! *eats cupcake*

Mamuta: AAAAAARRRRGHHH!!!

Giant Breadbug: *burp* Umm... Out of curiosity, what are YOU doing here?

Teh Chikin: *shrugs* I dunno. *Jumps through plot hole*

*Floor 9*

Giant Breadbug: *tiptoeing to the hole* Just a little bit more... *stomach growls* Oh great, I knew I shouldn't have eaten that bean burrito... *farts*

Bulborbs: *wake up* HEY! INTRUDER! Destroy him, so we can eat him!

Giant Breadbug: Spies! Help me in my fight!

Dwarf Bulborbs: *run behind Giant Breadbug* Bring it, you killing machines!

Bulborbs: Well then, it looks as it... IT'S ON!

*There is a huge epic battle with cool music and much PWNing and plenty of "Look out behind you!"s, " We doomed!"s, "Just a few more seconds"s, and "RUN!!"s. In the end, Giant Breadbug and co. emerge victorious and do a dance.*

Giant Breadbug: Thanks guys! I'm off to Floor 11!

*meanwhile, on Popstar*

Kirby: *wakes up from nap* Hey! Some punk just stole my signature dance! I'll show him! *jumps on Warpstar and heads toward Earth*

*Back in the Hole of Heroes, Floor 10*

Giant Breadbug: Oh no. You have GOT to be kidding me. I have to beat TWO Emperor Bulblaxes!?

Emperor Bulblax: #3: Yep! Not so high and mighty are you, Mr. Loafbug?

Emperor Bulblax #5: Wait a second! *grabs Emperor Bulblax to a corner* Didn't Mommy tell us to let a Loafbug through?

Emperor Bulblax #3: Yeah, why?

Emperor Bulblax #5: Because this guy looks like a Loafbug. Let's let him through.

Emperor Bulblax #3: But doesn't Daddy hate the Loafbugs?

Emperor Bulblax #5: If you want to get grounded, that's fine by me. But I'm going to let him go on through,

Emperor Bulblax #3: Oh fine... *to Giant Breadbug* Umm... We just remembered you're a VIP.... You can pass...

Giant Breadbug: W00T! Talk about lucky! Floor 11, here I come!

*Floor 11*

Giant Breadbug: Why... There's nothing here but a Bulborb Larva!

Bulborb Larva #3462: I have some good news and some bad news.

Giant Breadbug: What's the bad news?

Bulborb Larva #3462: The person who was going to meet you here... Isn't here.

Giant Breadbug: What's the good news then?

Bulborb Larva #3462: I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to-

Giant Breadbug: *eats Bulborb Larva* I hate those commercials.

Widow Empress: *enters* Why, hello there Giant.

Giant Breadbug: *gasps* YOU!!

Widow Empress: Yep.

Giant Breadbug: Now I see what you plan was! You were trying to lure me in here so I'd get killed! Bet you never thought I'd make it to you!

Widow Empress: Actually, I kinda did guess-

Giant Breadbug: *tears off fake skin, revealing every weapon known to man, Pikmin, and three-headed cats* Say hello to my Large, Little, and Medium sized friends!

Large Gun: Yo!

Medium Gun: What's Happinin'?

Small Gun: WASSSSAAA!!

Giant Breadbug: Go on! Say Hi! They said hi! Your turn! Don't be rude!

Emperor Bulblax #5: Mommy, you wanted my to bring this huge bag of nachos, right?

Widow Empress: Yes, give them to Giant Breadbug. I think he's pretty hungry and we need to discuss a treaty.

Giant Breadbug: Nachos... Huh? *takes off weapons* Well, I suppose I could agree to this truce if nachos are involv- *stuffs face full of nachos*

FIN

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Chapter 6: Chapter 6?
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*Olimar and Louie are in the ship flying over the planet*

Olimar: Louie, I've been meaning to talk to you about something-

Louie: You mean how I rock at leading Pikmin more than you ever could?

Olimar: Actually, it was about why exactly you ran all of your Red Pikmin into the water.

Louie: Oh, well, I wanted to kill the Wollywog in there.

Olimar: I have to hand it to you, you did a great job of making it laugh so hard it suffered from a heart attack.

Louie: You see, my plan DID work!

Olimar: You call that working? We had to go through the rest of the cave without Red Pikmin!

Louie: So? We had all the Blue's you could shake a stick at, so we had it great.

Olimar: Yep, killing the herd of Fiery Bulblaxes that you woke up by screaming "BE VEWRY VEWRY QUIET! I'M HUNTING FIEWY BULBOWBS!" was no sweat.

Louie: Heh heh heh, that was pretty funny.

Olimar Especially the part where they almost ate you alive, that was hysterical. I can't believe I saved you.

Louie: Me? Need saving? You're out of your mind! I had everything under control!

Olimar: Yes, lord knows how well Purple Pikmin do while running for their dear lives from a predator.

Louie: You know what your problem is? You're way too stressed out.

Olimar: You know what your problem is? You're way too stupid.

Louie: Oh come now, we aren't getting paid to be jealous of my UBER L33T SKILLZ.

Olimar: Three things: One, what in Hocotate's name just came out of your mouth? Two, we aren't getting paid, and Three, you're an idiot.

Louie: Aren't getting paid? Then why don't you explain this check? *Shows Olimar check*

Olimar: Louie you dolt! That was supposed to be spent on more fuel for the ship!

Ship: Warning! Warning! Doom approaching!

Louie: You realize, of course, that this is all YOUR fault.

Olimar: ARGH! *strangles Louie*

*The ship crashes into the ground, and Olimar and Louie are still alive.*

Louie: You see! My genius is the only thing that is on our side!

Olimar: I'm willing to change that to your dead body.

Ship: We are in an unknown area of the Pikmin planet.... BRRZZZT.... This give me an idea! Why don't you two stop fighting and see who is truly better with Pikmin: You can spend the rest of today building up your army and tomorrow you will fight to the death!

Olimar: If it will shut you up Louie, I'm more than willing.

Louie: I dunno Olimar, we're just gonna waste time to see me win.

Olimar: Riiiight...

Ship: Now, there is so much to do! You must start selecting a base, working on your defenses, harvesting more Pikmin, slaying enemies, mapping out a battle strategy...

Olimar: Hey ship, what's zero divided by zero?

Ship: Easy! There is no solution! Anything divided by zero doesn't have one!

Olimar: But this is zero divided by zero. Isn't it true that zero divided by anything is zero? And isn't it also true that anything divided by itself is one? What about that?

Ship: I...Um... ZZRRRT... WaRnInG... PrObLeM iMpOsSiBle.... BRRRRZZZRRZTT.... *explodes*

Olimar: You're welcome Louie.

*That night, at Olimar's camp*

Olimar: Status check!

Red #1: We have 50 flowered Reds and 50 more well on the way!

Olimar: Heh heh heh... Crushing that dolt Louie will be the greatest moment of my life. I can see it now... Oh... Sweet eradication...

*Meanwhile, Louie and 50 Blues are hiding in the bushes near Olimar's base*

Louie: So we're all clear on the plan?

Blue #1: Yup! We're set!

Louie: *clears throat* Oh my! Look! Something is on fire!

*95 Reds run out of the onion and gather around*

Red #62: Fire! Fire! Must watch stuff burn!

Blue #1: *into walky-talky* Land the monkey, I repeat, land the monkey.

Careening Drigibug: *appears* *drops bombrock* YAY! This is my favorite part!

Red Pikmin:... Ohh... Shiny.... *go boom*

Louie: Heh heh heh... Let's see how you plan to beat me now Olimar...

*In the morning, Olimar walks up to the Red Onion*

Olimar: TROOPS! ASSEMBLE!

*5 Red Pikmin jump out of the onion*

Olimar: Har har, very funny. I need the whole army ready, not just 5 Pikmin.

Red #1: Uhh sir... This is all that's left of us.

Olimar: WHAT!? How!?

Red #1: Louie launched a sneak attack last night and nearly wiped out your whole army!

Louie: And I can't wait to finish what I started!

*everyone turns and sees Louie with an army of 50 Blue Pikmin*

Olimar: Louie! You cheated! We were supposed to start fighting today!

Louie: Well, you know what they say: "All's fair in Love and Lunch.".

Olimar: Can you please hand me a heavy object? I'd rather kill myself than live to see an idiot whose IQ is half of Pi beat me.

Louie: Ha! You're an idiot! How can I be stupid if my IQ is half of the longest number in the universe?

Olimar: Because that same number is less than 4.

Louie: I... Umm... err.... EAT VOLATILE DWEEVIL!

Olimar: Yes Louie, I know you like to eat explosive insects, you don't have to scream it at the top of your lungs.

Louie: No you fool, I meant... THIS!

*A Volatile Dweevil drops right next to Louie and explodes, killing 20 Blue Pikmin*

Olimar: *Stares* *falls on the floor laughing*

Louie: I meant to do that! All part of my strategy!

Olimar: *gets up* Ok, I can't wait to see your next "attack". *snickers*

Armored Cannon Beetle Larva: *walks by* OH! Squishies! *Fires boulder*

Louie: And there it is right now! Plan B!

Olimar: *looks behind him and side-steps out of the way*

Louie: *is run over along with 10 Blue Pikmin* Grrr... Darn it! But you shall never survive the dastardly Plan.... A.... B.... Hey, what comes after B?

Olimar: Louie-is-an-idiot.

Louie: Right! Get ready for Plan Louie-is-an-idiot! Get 'im! *swarms Olimar with Blue Pikmin*

Olimar: You make this so easy it's hilarious. *steps between two Anode Beetles and fries all the Blue Pikmin on him. This leaves Louie with only 5 Blue Pikmin.*

Louie: Huh.... Didn't see that one coming...

Olimar: Well, now that we both have 5 Pikmin, we can actually have a fair fight.

Louie:Yes, but we all know it will be I who will win this fight! For I have the greatest Pik tactics in all the land! I can do anything with any squad of Pikmin! You must be a fool to- *bombrock lands right next to him* This will hurt a lot, won't it? *is knocked out and the 5 Blue Pikmin are killed*

Olimar: I got bored of hearing you talk. But I win! WOOO! *jumps in the air and is carried by the 5 Red Pikmin* *a few seconds pass* Hey, wait a second... What are you guys doing? Put me down! Why are you taking me to the onion!?

Red #1: You killed our friends! Now it's your turn!

Olimar: Oh... Ok.... Watching you guys get eaten is go- *is sucked into the Onion*

Red Pikmin: *celebrate*

*And then the great awesome Doodlebug came along and PWNED all of them with his amazing farts of Uberness.*

THE END

Doodlebug: So what do you think Titan?

Titan Dweevil: It's insane! Why did you name the two captains Olimar and Louie? I bet they have cool names, like Shiny and Sparkly.

Doodlebug: I dunno, instinct I guess.

Titan Dweevil: Well, other than that, your story really spoke to me.

Doodlebug: It did? What did it say?

Titan Dweevil: It said "Never forget the Pikmin 2 board!". It was completely bizarre.

Doodlebug: Maybe it was talking about that forum-thingy that Raging Long-Legs joined?

Titan Dweevil: Eh, seems pretty crazy to me to think a community of geeks like him would actually exist.

FIN

What will happen to the other bosses? Why did I make this chapter? Did Raging Long-Legs join the NSider Forums? Do you even care about the answer to these questions? Stay tuned for Chapter 7!

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