Quote:
Originally Posted by luny
ill i have to say is its to long
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Stories can never be too long! Unless it's a short story, of course.

And compared to this, I wonder if the last Harry Potter book is too long?
Anyways. To be a constructive criticist, the story needs some more attention to editing. I could help you there and make an attempt, if it would interest you.
But regardless of that, your creativity and writing skills have great potential!